This one won’t sit well with some of you and that’s exactly why I am writing it. There is a great deal of shame around pleasure and we (women only) are taught that there can’t be sex without love. Have you ever been attracted to someone but you didn’t really love them? But guilt and shame creep in and your mind does that Jedi mind trick thing that makes you feel like you have to love this man if you want to actually sleep with him. It’s super unhealthy because we end up forcing ourselves into “relationships” that we have no business being in. EVERYTHING IS NOT MEANT TO BE A RELATIONSHIP. Let that soak in. Far be it from me to promote promiscuity (do you sis), and whatever you do, do it responsibly …. but I’m not here to lecture or judge anyone … again, do you. I feel like women never get to just have fun and enjoy being sensual human beings. Have you ever slept with someone just because you were attracted to them and nothing else? Of course most women are afraid of increasing their “body count” (something men actually brag about), so we shy away from activity that just brings us pleasure. I digress.

We have all been guilty of trying to turn men into partners because that is what we have been trained to do our entire lives. Every single person had to be molded into a relationship even when you knew from Day One that it made zero sense (you had nothing in common, they had no ambition, they never read a book, they lived in another state, they were between jobs … I could go on). But even with this intel, you chose to try to create some sort of relationship with these people.  Sometimes you don’t need the pressure that comes with wondering what happens next. I think that is something women should practice even when we are pursuing a relationship – enjoy the dating process. Don’t jump ahead. Enjoy one date at a time … but that is another post. Back to the just lovers option – it doesn’t have to be a wham, bam, thank you sir – unless that’s what you want of course. Have you ever just experienced passion? That’s what taking a lover gives you. It can be fun, exciting and so satisfying (you actually like each other, right?). Not every ending is bad. Most things don’t last forever. Things end and you have to learn to look back at those things, reflect and embrace the beauty of the experience. IJS.