Is it me or are people really hard to love? I can’t tell you how many women I know that have given up on love (I have definitely had my moments). If you are open to it, I believe that love can come into your life at any time (designer Norma Kamali got engaged at 75 – yes, Norma!).

And I know that it has been tough, especially during the pandemic and many people felt/feel like there were/are no opportunities to meet new people. Although I am not a fan of dating apps or online dating (more on that in another post), I do think that during this time, it is one of the best options for meeting new people (from your sofa). I’m not going to tell adults to be safe in doing so but I am going to ask you to think a bit about your intention. I feel like women have been brainwashed into thinking that their lives are less meaningful if they don’t have romantic love. I think this pressure causes many women to settle for people they shouldn’t be with and oftentimes they end up more lonely or disappointed than they were to begin with. As accomplished as women are today, why do we buy into such antiquated and limited ideas about life and love? The result is that many women end up feeling less than amazing because some man hasn’t “chosen” them yet. I have a cousin who called me recently to ask me what it is like to live as a single woman. For context, this is a much younger cousin that I connect with about once or twice a year. So admittedly, it felt super weird because as a person that has travelled a lot, has relocated to various cities, has a robust career – I was taken aback that that was the only thing she wanted advice about. I had to really think about this … not only about my response to her because I didn’t just want to give her a canned narrative. I wanted to dig deep into how I really felt about this issue and what were the messages I was telling myself and to everyone else. After getting my thoughts together, I told her that my life is filled with love – because it is. My life isn’t traditional but that isn’t something that I can necessarily control. I set out to do what I thought I was “supposed” to do, according to the blueprint that is drilled into my head growing up (college, marriage, kids, buying a house, etc. …) but the universe had different plans for my life – the timing of things, the order of things … it’s really not something that I can control. For me, it was healthier to surrender to this than to try to control the outcomes (believe me I have tried and it never ends well). Every movie, television show arc, love song, etc., tell women that romantic love is always our end game. I don’t think I have ever heard men put this kind of pressure on one another. Their lives are considered amazing, big, interesting and fulfilling whether they are married or not. But sometimes, love takes time or it comes in different forms, if it ever comes at all.

The pursuit of love turns powerful women into shadows of their authentic selves sometimes. We settle. We conform. We compromise to our demise. We change into other people. I can’t tell you how many disheartening stories I hear from the wonderful women I know. On many of our favorite trashy reality shows, one of the biggest putdowns seems to be, “At least I got a man!!!” They say this with pride even though their relationships are unhealthy, toxic, unfulfilling and downright unhappy (entertaining but sad). Why do we do this to each other/ourselves? I think along with society our families and friends even put unnecessary pressure on us. I know many women are in relationships just to check the box and somehow that validates their existence and makes them feel better than if they were a single woman.

Be with someone because they bring wonderfulness to your life. Be with that person because you want them, not because you desperately need them. I think that passion is one of the best forms of expression. If you don’t have passion, why bother? And passion isn’t always about sex, it’s about chemistry and attraction. You can have beautiful chemistry during a conversation. I believe in love and I love love because when it is right, it can be fun and exciting. And when you do get in a relationship, never forget to love yourself. I have seen many women who have been in long term relationships who have let themselves go. They will say that they have a man so they don’t have to bother with all of that. Really? Keeping yourself up is never about that man or anybody else. It should be about you and how good you feel when you take care of you. Never love anyone more than you love YOU boo.